🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?